The Arts; A Journey: Magic Fully Revised, Mar. 24, 2017

I’m very excited to announce that I believe I have finished revising Magic. I hope you enjoy the result, and encourage you to share your thoughts/comments (For comparison, you can find the original version of this poem in the post entitled The Arts; A Journey: Magic).

 

Magic speaks in whispers,

Running gently through the wood;

It prances over rivers;

And refracts light in shivers.

Winking from each flower,

Glinting off of crystal dew;

‘tis the sweetness in the air,

Painting colors barely there.

 

Magic enchants your eyes,

Playing just beyond the touch.

Beckons to the golden bee,

And adorns the fruited tree.

It is the bird’s trilled song;

The pattern of growing moss.

In the shade it romances;

And in the Sun’s light, dances.

 

May you always see her,

As she weaves throughout this life,

And value her charming voice;

For on this Earth, ‘tis our choice.

Let thine eyes nary close,

Nor thy ears ever deafen,

Without finding her each day;

Heaven’s Light within Life’s Grey.

Magic; A Poem Revisited

I’m very pleased with the progress that I have made in revising this poem. However, I don’t consider it fully revised yet….it feels incomplete somehow. I’m going to do further mulling this week, but for the moment, here is where she’s at:

Magic

6a Magic speaks in whispers,

7b Running gently through the wood;

7c It prances over rivers;

7c And refracts light in shivers.

6d It winks from each flower,

7e Glinting off of crystal dew.

7f ‘tis the sweetness in the air;

7f Painting colors barely there.

 

6g Magic enchants your eyes;

7h Playing just beyond the touch.

7i It beckons the golden bee;

7i And adorns the fruited tree.

6j It is the bird’s trilled song;

7k The pattern of growing moss.

7l In the shade it romances;

7l And in sunlight it dances.

 

As always, I encourage people to critique my work and share their thoughts. I don’t know exactly what needs to be changed or added to this poem, but, to me, it doesn’t feel quite done.

The Arts; A Journey: Magic

The following is another of my poems that needs work. It isn’t as much of a train wreck as Truth’s Joy was, but it definitely could use some fine-tuning.

 

6a Magic speaks in whispers,

7b Running gently through the wood;

6c Prancing over rivers;

7c Refracting light in shivers.

 

6d Magic winks from flower,

7e Glinting off of crystal dew.

6f The sweetness in the air;

7f Painting colors barely there.

 

6g Magic enchants your eyes;

7h Playing just beyond the touch.

6i It brings the butterflies;

7i Gives warmth to the frosted bise.

 

6j Magic gives birds their song.

7k It binds the leaf to its tree.

6l The waterfall chimes clear

7l And over rocks, fairies peer.

 

TECHNICALLY the meter and rhyme are on point; however, when you read it, it doesn’t flow very well. The inflection is off. I’ve never paid deliberate attention to inflection, but it is what I need to work on next if I want to improve.

Thoughts?